Learn How To Survive A Long Distance Relationship
Let’s be honest:
Long distance relationships (LDRs) are not for the faint-hearted.
It’s like eating soup with a fork, doable, frustrating, and often cold by the time you’re halfway through.
But here I am, on the other side of it, not just surviving a long-distance relationship but coming out stronger, more emotionally fluent, and surprisingly… more romantic.
Before Learning How to Survive A Long Distance Relationship, Lets See what kills Long-Distance Relationships.
What Actually Kills Long Distance Relationships:
- Thinking constant texting equals connection, it doesn’t. Quality beats quantity every time.
- Emotional exhaustion from carrying the relationship alone until you both burn out.
- Time zone differences messing with your emotional rhythms more than your schedules.
- Silent, unspoken expectations that one partner assumes and the other never meets.
- Over-relying on tech to fill emotional gaps instead of building real self-soothing skills.
- Forgetting that mental “touch” needs practice, without it, intimacy feels flat.
- Making every conversation a “checklist” kills spontaneity and authentic vibes.
- Growing apart because you don’t share daily life, so your values shift separately.
- Skipping tiny daily reassurances that actually keep love alive long term.
- Hiding vulnerability out of fear, which shuts down emotional closeness faster than fights.
My Story: A Bit of Context
I met her during a summer research workshop in Bangalore. I was from Delhi, she was from Kerala. We clicked instantly, coffee dates, long walks, and academic memes. By the time the workshop ended, we had a choice:
Part ways or go long-distance.
We chose the hard way.
For 2.5 years, we did the LDR dance, across states, time zones (later), and wildly different routines. I was juggling studies, freelance work, and mental health dips. She was dealing with clinical rotations, cultural pressure, and a dying phone battery.
But we made it. Not without scars, but stronger, and wiser.
And here’s everything I learned that no one ever told me.
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How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship
The Myth of Constant Communication in Long Distance Relationships
Everyone will tell you, “Talk every day.”
But no one tells you that quality beats quantity.
In our first 6 months, we’d video call every night. But over time, it felt more like a chore than love.
I realized: we weren’t talking, we were reporting.
So, we switched it up.
Sometimes, we sent long voice notes instead of calls. Other times, we did “silent calls”, just being online while working, no pressure to talk. It felt natural, like real-life companionship.
What helped:
- Weekly “big talk” sessions on Sundays
- Text check-ins during the day (but no obligation to reply instantly)
- Surprise photos or voice notes, felt like little love packages
How Scheduling Arguments Can Strengthen Your Long-Distance Relationship
This might sound strange, but hear me out.
Fights in LDRs hit differently. Without hugs or tone-of-voice to soften things, texts feel like cold court statements.
We began scheduling conflict resolution.
Not suppressing, not avoiding, just timing it smartly.
Instead of reacting in the heat of the moment, we’d text:
“Let’s talk about this after dinner tonight. I need to cool off.”
It changed everything.
We fought less, and when we did, it was productive, not explosive.
Why Romance Changes in Long Distance Relationships – And How to Adapt
Early on, our idea of romance was night-long calls, cute filters on Snapchat, and “I miss you” texts every 2 hours.
But after a year?
We were too tired for theatrics. And that was beautiful in its own way.
One evening, I emailed her a Google Drive folder of all the poems I’d written, with each poem titled after a moment we’d shared.
No emojis. No filters. Just… effort.
She later sent me a hand-drawn comic strip of our first date. Scanned it. Sent it. I cried like a baby.
The Importance of Future Planning in Long Distance Relationships
I learned this the hard way.
For the first 8 months, we avoided “the future” talk. It felt heavy. But ambiguity breeds anxiety.
One night, she asked, “Where are we heading?”
I had no clue.
So we sat down (digitally) and mapped out realistic milestones.
Not vague dreams like “We’ll be together soon”, but specifics:
- “Let’s meet once every 4 months.”
- “In 18 months, let’s apply for fellowships in the same city.”
- “Let’s both save ₹2,000/month for travel.”
This gave us hope, not in fantasy, but in strategy.
Jealousy in Long Distance Relationships Isn’t Toxic – It’s a Signal
Yes, I got jealous.
Of her med-school friends. Of her ability to attend fests. Of her new life where I wasn’t physically present.
But here’s the thing:
Jealousy wasn’t toxic, it was a sign. A sign that I missed being part of her world.
So instead of suppressing it, I voiced it.
“I wish I was there too,” I said one day.
She replied, “You’re here, just not physically. I talk about you all the time.”
That alone healed a wound.
Building an Independent Life While in a Long Distance Relationship
This one’s hard.
When you’re in an LDR, it’s tempting to orbit around their schedule.
I did that. Skipped outings, adjusted my time, even paused my own goals, just to sync with her availability.
But eventually, I felt hollow. Like my life was on pause while waiting for her.
So I unpaused.
I joined a writing group, travelled solo, built a garden on my terrace. She did the same, joined a film club, took yoga classes.
And guess what?
We had more to talk about.
More stories. More excitement. More us.
How to Make Shared Memories Without Physical Presence
You don’t need to “be there” to create memories.
We co-watched shows (synchronized Netflix), played online chess, and even wrote a short story together, one paragraph at a time, back and forth over email.
One time, I surprised her with a delivery of her favorite biryani. She did the same with a handwritten letter mailed to me.
Presence is more than physical.
Why Clarity Matters More Than Closeness in Long Distance Love
This is perhaps my biggest lesson.
People often treat LDRs as temporary limbo, just waiting to “finally be together.”
But the goal isn’t just being in the same city. It’s about clarity.
Do you really want the same things?
Do your values align?
Do you feel secure apart, not just together?
We used the distance to explore those answers.
Create a Love Log: A New Way to Strengthen Long Distance Relationships
Here’s something I’ve never seen anyone recommend, and it completely transformed how we connected:
We started a “Love Log.”
Not a journal. Not a diary. But a shared Google Doc , just one, where we wrote down small wins, fights we overcame, cute conversations, and hard questions we survived.
No one told us to do this. It started randomly, after a deep conversation one night, I jotted it down, titled the doc “Proof That We’re Worth It.”
Over time, it became sacred.
Every milestone, first online fight resolved without blame, her calling me when I was having a panic attack, me staying up to help her prep for an exam, went into the Log.
And every time we felt shaky, uncertain, or worn down by the distance…
we opened that Log.
Reading it felt like stepping into our own legacy.
Not the perfect Instagram version, but the real one:
- The misunderstandings we apologized for
- The creative ways we supported each other
- The promises we kept
Why It Works:
Because memory fades when you’re emotionally tired.
In an LDR, you often don’t have tangible evidence of growth, no photos, no shared home, no physical rituals.
The Love Log becomes that anchor.
It reminds you:
“Look how far we’ve come. We’ve earned this.”
How to Start Your Own Love Log
- Use Google Docs or Notion
- Give it a name that feels yours, ours was “Proof That We’re Worth It”
- Write together or take turns, weekly, monthly, or after something important
- Don’t make it formal. Make it raw. Real.
It’s not about being poetic. It’s about being present.
The Distance Isn’t the Enemy in Long Distance Relationship
Let’s not romanticize it.
LDR is hard. Some days you’ll cry. Some nights will be lonely. Some calls will feel dry. Some jokes will fall flat without touch.
But if both partners treat it not as a waiting room but as a training ground, it can work. No, it can flourish.
Distance doesn’t kill love.
Indifference does. Entitlement does. Emotional laziness does.
Show up. Grow up. Speak up.
And one day, when you do close the distance, it won’t feel like a reward. It’ll feel like a natural next step in a journey already thriving.
To everyone in an LDR right now:
You’re not just surviving.
You’re sculpting something rare. Something resilient.
Stay strong. And if all else fails, send biryani. It works.
